“You know, despite seeing him all the time, I still don’t think I want Matt as a long term boyfriend…”
“Then why do you hang on?”
“I don’t know… somehow… I just need to…”

That’s me talking to Maia a year ago. I was contemplating my escape from Matt’s greedy arms. But at that point there already was no turning back. It would only take just a little bit more time before I’d accept Matt as the one I wanted to be with. How he eventually managed to tame me you ask? By offering me beer after beer before I’d even finished my current one. And another one. And another one. And… you get the picture.

The first time I’d ever snogged Matt I was pretty heavily drunk. The first time I’d slept with Matt I was completely hammered. Due to the alcohol in my blood and brain the thresholds to swap fluids with Matt were significantly lowered. He got lucky that night, that’s for sure. But an unforeseen fortunate addition to this luck was on it’s way: Oxytocin.

Oxytocin is a relatively unknown hormone that is involved in the process of social bonding. It is released into your blood and brain (how exactly is way too medical for me) during a certain stimulation of certain body parts. Think giving birth and breast feeding. But also, think kissing, cuddling, getting busy, breasts, booty, orgasms and the lot. Oxytocin creates a feeling of trust between people, makes somebody bond with another, even causes the intention of monogamy. It therefore provides some major ingredients for what Western societies consider a healthy relationship.

While I was controversially torn between enjoyment and planning my way out, my body was lovingly embracing this sniper like hormone. It was pulling and pushing me and my heart closer and closer towards Matt. The alcohol broke down the resistance, my body took care of the rest, and Matt was the one who’s sitting pretty.

“I can always quit whenever I like.”
That’s what I thought back then.
“But right now I need another fix. A shot of… I don’t know… What the hell is he doing to me?”

The funny thing with Oxytocin is the fact that it’s addictive. Once you’ve found yourself a good source of it you want more. Need more. Need it all. A note to everybody having a fling with no strings attached: Oxytocin is the death for every fuck buddy or friendship with benefits kind of liaison. Sooner or later one of the loose lovers will need something more. A real bond. And that’s were it usually ends. Or transforms into a real relationship.

I owe it to my readers to share Matt’s by personal experience acquired knowledge with everybody who’s having a hard time pulling. So start taking notes: If you want somebody to want to be in a relationship with you, it definitely pays off to get them as drunk as you can, after which you have sex with them. Be sure to carry out this prescription frequently. I recommend to repeat the process strictly and correctly for at least once a month during several months. After a few times and some patience you can be sure your desired one will eventually stick to your side.

I doubt Matt knew all this in advance. I’m guessing he was so blinded by his infatuation he could only think of the birds and the bees and had no brain cells vacant for secret plans and evil schemes. But I’m sure he didn’t mind the effects either. His only problem was the fact that the hormone worked for him as well as for me. Everytime we’d touch the urge to make me his girlfriend would increase. Because his trust in me, his social bond with me and his addiction to me were growing. As was the pain he could expect if eventually he’d lose me.

Because beer by beer, shag by shag his love for me would grow.

Column published by Cecile on Monday, March 26th, 2007.

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