Flashback to December last year: the Christmas office party at Matt’s company. Well, not only that, it’s also the company that I myself used to work for until I went solo. Partners were invited for the second bit of the evening, hurrah. So it was time for me to dress to impress. After all, they should feel what they are missing. And yes, I did drink a large G&T before going there. Because I sure as hell wasn’t planning to soberly step into a herd of drunk men and women. And so at 10 o’clock, I tiptoed into the room, dressed in my equally Christmassy and sexy dress. And a tiny bit tipsy.

There was a lot of chatting, laughing, dancing and drinking going on and everything was so loud that having a conversation was almost exhausting. The percentages in the drinks weren’t very helpful either. Noise, fatigue and drunkenness, that’s a bit of essential background information before I resume my story.

Suddenly I was approached by one of my favourite ex-colleagues, Maliyah. She’s not only funny and smart, but it’s also very peculiar that our boyfriends share the same name. This leads to a regularly recurring conversation.

“And how is your Matt?” is asked, delighted to see her.
“Well, not so good. If he doesn’t get a job soon then I’m not sure we’ll stay together…”

What a way to start small talk. It set the tone of the conversation. Thus, when she asked how my own Matt and I were doing, I hesitated. Coincidently Matt and I had just been through a rough patch, having to plough through some of the remains of our personal pasts aka exes. December hadn’t been fun exactly. However, it was just one of those mountains every couple has to surmount. I had always been quite honest with Maliyah, but was this a moment to start lying? Then I remembered she once told me that her own Matt had cheated on her in the very beginning of their relationship. And so I blurted:

“Ah well, we’ve had a bit of a rough time, but we’re alright now. You know, regular things you bump into when the first butterflies are over, like cheating and stuff…”

Maliyah’s eyes flashed with disbelief. I knew I had to explain what I meant. That I had meant to refer to her own situation without telling too much about mine. But this went so wrong… However, as if he felt he was being talked about, at that moment Matt broke into our conversation and asked whether I would like a drink. Maliyah and I got caught up in different conversations and we didn’t speak again that night. Or ever.

Due to alcohol and many more hours of partying, I forgot completely about this little chat. Until a few months ago. Matt and I were packing our groceries in the supermarket, when suddenly we were face to face with two women, one of them being Maliyah. We chatted a bit about how things were going, but I saw it in her eyes. I just saw that see remembered our talk as well…

And I wondered. Would she ever tell somebody? Would she have done so already? Would there be grapevines full of ‘either Matt or Cecile has cheated’ without us knowing? Poor Matt. He has to work with these people every day…

I’m sure I’m probably exaggerating (I even briefly considered sending her an explanation by e-mail), but the situation did get me thinking about gossip and rumours. I always thought that no matter how weird a certain rumour may be, there must always be a certain aspect of truth in it. People will have exaggerated or twisted particular aspects of the story of course, to make their act of gossiping a more attractive and thrilling way to pass their time, but complete lies? Now I realise how easy it is to accidentally spread lies about yourself, even if you have no intention of doing so.

I’m usually very open about my relationship and personal life. Regular readers will be fully aware of this fact. But I do feel the need to only share accurate facts and carefully reflected feelings. I allow people to know quite a lot about me, as long as they know the truth. However, in this case I was scared of telling too much and chose to omit the truth completely. I thought telling only even some of the facts, would make me look like a jealous and possessive monster and result in a lot of rumours that would reflect badly on Matt or me.

Now I realise that lies can possibly create a whole lot more rumours and gossiping than telling the truth. Apparently, it’s not only true for communication between lovers but also for talks about lovers: the truth, however cruel or weird, is always a better option than a lie.

Column published by Cecile on Monday, June 2nd, 2008.

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