If there’s one domestic torture women have become so used to that they forgot to complain about it, it must be hair removal.

Personally I must have seen it all. Razorblades, electric epilators, creams, shaving gel for the extra smooth skin, shaving cream for the skin that’s so precious and sensitive. Yep, it’s all been in my shopping cart and in my bathroom. The only thing that’s never placed itself in my direct reach is wax. Wax scares me. Nevertheless, I must conclude: I do make sure redundant and unwanted hair is removed from my body surface at once.

By redundant hair I mean armpits and lower legs. In the summer months I remove the fur on my upper legs as well. Furthermore, I try to maintain an actual arch in my eyebrows to look extra intelligent and independent. But pubic hair: I never really understood why I should remove any of it. In my opinion, it would make me look like a 10 year old. This would make me feel a bit more of a Lolita than I’d enjoy. Luckily, extermination of your entire private parts pelt is something only done by and required for porn stars and It girls. Or so I thought.

However, a few years ago my view of the world changed in such a way I’d say it was like my tiny Kansas house was lifted up by a tornado and flung down somewhere in the Land of Oz.

Of course I already knew there were men who enjoyed their women nude in the down there area. I’m not unworldly. But I didn’t know they were the majority. But that day, or I should say that night, I was in a drunken conversation with a few of my male colleagues. Don’t ask me why, but our small talk somehow came to the subject of shaved private bits. And I was completely baffled by what I heard: nearly all the men preferred their women clean-shaven and smooth! But that was not all: some of the men even actually shaved themselves!

I remember turning to my then-colleague and not yet boyfriend Matt and asking: “But surely YOU don’t prefer girls like that and YOU don’t shave your stuff, do you?” “Erm, no, not really…” was his half-blushingly answer. In retrospect I think that must have been quite awkward for him as he a) was singled out as being different, b) was singled out as being preferable, c) by the girl he was already in love with at the time. I should have realised I was, although latently, in love with him during the time as well. Otherwise, I would never have insisted on him being on my side. But unfortunately for him that feeling took another six months to sink in. It did pave a bit of the Yellow Brick Road for him, though, because he made me feel like we were together battling against the rest of that weird nude, bare-skinned, shaved, bald smoothies.

There’s no place like home. Thus, we’ve been together for fifteen months already, not bothered by any trivial issues like a few hairs that might get in the way.

So you might understand I was surprised to see a similar discussion arise amongst Matt’s friends. It started with a joke about hairy pussies not being worth licking. I hit back stating men shouldn’t moan so much and should just mow women’s grass whenever required. But then it turned out that the majority of Matt’s friends (male and female) are from the smooth and bare camp as well!

I don’t understand! If my boyfriend would prefer me clean-shaven I’d think something was wrong with his brain. For me, personally, there’s an icky paedophilic vibe to bare private bits. It’s childlike! Am I the only one bothered by this? I’d rather have to spit and dredge a bit every now and then to dispose of the occasional hair, than to have the feeling I was blowing a premature, smooth, nudist, porn star. But apparently I have quite a rare opinion on the matter.

Consequently, I’m confused about my position on the “weird or normal” scale. Please help me out here. Am I really such a old-fashioned hippy? Or do I just move around in the wrong circles?

Column published by Cecile on Monday, October 29th, 2007.

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