It was a nice caramel macchiato. Sweet and milky, but still with the full taste of coffee. Yes, I was really pleased with my choice. It was the best drink possible to accompany my writing today. You can imagine my disappointment when my last sip tasted a bit weird. Or actually, smelled a bit weird. Like a mixture of anti-bacterial chemicals and… pee.
My eyes screened the coffee shop for the cause of this dismal experience. They soon landed on the couple plus mother-in-law plus baby that had landed on the bench beside me three minutes ago. Did they just have a smelly baby? Or a smelly mother-in-law? Did I see correctly: were they changing the baby’s diaper…?
Several aspects of the situation and variables to consider crossed my mind. It was only a pee diaper. No poo. However, the fact that I know this, means I could smell and see too much. The coffee shop was almost empty. Nevertheless did they choose the table beside me. Why did they do so if they knew their baby needed changing? The mum did do her thing fast, though. She was done in merely a minute. But then the mother-in-law took the full diaper with her to throw it away in the loo. Why not take the baby as well and change it there? Did it even add to the situation that it was a rather posh coffee shop? The girls behind the counter did nothing.
I was confused, not knowing whether my displeasure was valid: did I just dislike small children or was their behaviour really against normal rules and etiquette? And so I left.
At home it left me pondering. I did some Google search and found the hilarious story of Carly, an American woman who changed her baby’s poo-diaper on the table of a fast food restaurant because the restaurant had no changing table. Mums worldwide reacted by finding this inexcusable and horrific.
Apparently I was somewhat right, although at my coffee shop it concerned a pee-diaper and it was changed on a chair, not the table. Hmm.
I also came across another matter that has in some way nothing and in another way everything to do with changing diapers in public. Breastfeeding in public. Even though it’s something very natural that has nothing to do with the droppings of our youngest generation, it does involve nakedness that would have been inappropriate if it hadn’t been baby-related.
You see, I don’t mind to see some mum’s tit, it’s just that I find the sucking gestures disgusting. It’s a kind of rhythmic thing that forces you to watch. And nobody’s baby but your own is pretty enough to watch for longer than a few seconds.
Another aspect I think that’s important in this discussion is: why are the people that surround mum and baby there, do they intend to stay there for their pleasure and can they leave easily if they please? In a park where people just walk by? No problem with diapers or breastfeeding. At a station where people wait to board? No problem with diapers or breastfeeding. In a train going from A to Z? Because people can’t run away from you, problem with diapers, but still no problem with breastfeeding. But in a restaurant where people pay (a lot) to eat and drink pleasantly? For me a big no-no for both diapers and breastfeeding.
You may call me short-sighted. I’m not a mum. I know nothing. I have no knowledge but my own assumptions.
How about my own mother you ask? Well, that’s a good question, let’s ask her immediately! On the telephone my mum shares some knowledge, like that I was only breastfed for a few weeks and that she always felt a bit odd about getting a breast out in public like that, so she hardly ever breastfed me outside the house. As for dirty diapers, she was disgusted by my coffee shop story. She told me I was rather difficult to potty-train (it took me two years, really!) but that during those two years she never ever had been in a situation where it was necessary to change my diaper in front of people that couldn’t walk away, especially not in a diner or restaurant. Together we concluded that it’s hardly ever the case that you really have no other option but to change your baby here and now in front of everybody’s eyes and noses.
Or are both my mum and I just very rigid and easily embarrassed?
I’m still confused. How about you? How far can a mum go with showing her baby-related nakedness to innocent other people? Breastfeeding? Diapers? Poo or pee? In public? In a restaurant? Where do you draw the line?
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I have been in many a coffee shop or fast food joint with no changing table. Where would you propose to change the baby? On the bathroom floor? Would you let your child lay on a public toilet floor?
Admittedly I would have tried to find a more private bench, but I have indeed changed my son’s diaper in a fast food joint’s main dining area because they did not have a changing table in the restroom. I kept him on the bench seat of a booth, with me to the aisle side of him thus blocking the view of most patrons. Most moms are quite stealthy at diaper changing, especially in that situation.
I do think that people (not just you) are a little too prude/squeamish about diapering and ESPECIALLY about breastfeeding. I only did so for about 7 weeks but there were times that I had to do it in public. I agree it’s best to use a cover but even then people acted as though I just ripped my top off in public.
Good post.
Left by Emily on Tuesday, July 15th, 2008