When I sat down to put pen to paper today I thought I was going to write about the influence female models have on other women and the beauty ideal they promote. How much influence they have had on me. You see, I used to be really thin when I was a child. So thin that other children would comment on it. This changed, as does everything, during puberty.

To fight my increasing fat rate, I did many things most girls do. Peculiar diets, like eating only fruit for a day. Or eating nothing at all and see how long I could cope (36 hours, for those interested). Two years ago I ate an entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s and tried to make myself puke afterwards. I couldn’t. No matter how deep I stuck my fingers in, my body just wouldn’t cooperate. The situation confused me, because I used to think of puking as a revolting nevertheless always available last way out. And now it appeared it wasn’t. It was a turning point. Since that day I try to eat healthy whenever I can, and enjoy less healthy food just as much. Moreover, I try to stop caring.

I’m definitely not fat, but I’m not skinny either. Last time I checked I had a 30 inch waist and a 40 inch ass. Luckily Matt likes me the way I am and I’m happy to receive several compliments a day. “You’re a right weirdo thinking I’m pretty and sexy, but who am I to complain?” is what I usually think.

And today, when I sat down to write about it all, I thought: maybe it’s all the gays’ fault?

The first person who was no part of my friends or family to ever tell me I was pretty was a gay man. I must have been 15 or so and I had just met him. He told me: “And I assume you are going to be a model some day?” One of the best compliments I ever got. But also, come to think of it, something that has always pushed me towards concerns about my weight. Apparently somebody thought I could look like a model. So if only I was a bit thinner…

This week I came across an interesting thought about thin fashion models. A woman who had studied the need for extreme slenderness in the modelling industry had said: “95% of fashion designers are gay. Of course they prefer a square and flat body over a feminine, healthy and curvy one…”

Then it dawned to me. It was all a conspiracy! A plot! An evil scheme!

Gay fashion designers force models to be thin. The fashion industry expresses that these skeletons are actually beautiful. Women are influenced, or even brainwashed, to think that this is beauty. Women starve themselves to compete with the ideal. The figures don’t lie and even alarm a cynic like me. Almost 1 in 4 of girls under 16 would rather not go to school, because they think they are ugly. Almost half of the girls of 15 say they would be happier if they were skinnier. 40 percent of women between 15 and 62 find it hard to be happy with their own bodies when confronted with the beauty ideal. 1 in 5 of 15 year old girls have either tried not eating or puking after eating to lose weight. I imagine those figures are even higher for women aged 25. Because worrying about your body doesn’t stop at 15.

But not only women are influenced by catwalk girls. Men have also started thinking they should like skinny women. Even though biologically there are only two relevant female beauty rules: looking healthy in general and having an approximately 7:10 waist-hips proportion.

And now the gays are my primary suspect. The first thing to do in case of a crime and a suspect is to answer the obvious question: what is the motive? What do gay men win by this? Maybe they hope that every woman dies of starvation so they can have the men for themselves? It may sound ridiculous, but it’s not unimaginable. Furthermore gay men haven’t limited their influence to merely women. They have also ruined men by making them believe they have to be feminine. The revolting rise of the metrosexual. Vain semi-males tottering about with facial creams and waxed bodies have evaded the world.

Boyish girls and girlish boys. How could it not be a gay men conspiracy?

We need to stand up for ourselves! We need a revolution! But how? Somehow the first thing that springs to mind is John Lennon and Yoko Ono with their Bed-in for a week in the Amsterdam Hilton. What a splendid idea to express our point of view! To start a revolution from our bed. Yes, tonight my scruffy, furry friend Matt and curvy, chubby me are going to mount our bed and explore what it was again that makes a man a man and a woman a woman…

Column published by Cecile on Monday, February 18th, 2008.

Similar columns

• The pretty girl in the picture
• What men need to eat are women
• Musings on marriage
• Vampire Love
• A tomboy view on shopping