So many couples, so many preferences and so many kinds of sex. Some people enjoy soft, romantic and very thoughtful sex. Some prefer to have their mojo rocked a bit more aggressively. Fast, slow, soft, hard, playful, acrobatically challenging or very straight forward, we all have our own likings and tastes. But there’s one special kind of sex. The sex that nobody can resist, because it’s just too damn overpowering: make up sex.

Who hasn’t been in the situation? You and your lover get into a fight, maybe even scream, walk away, give each other the silent treatment or call each other names. To sum things up: you give each other a hard time. But fights that start have to end as well. And then, during that moment of mending the cracks and licking the wounds, something magical comes bubbling up from deep down inside. An undeniable desire for sex.

The last time I had consumed my own portion of make up sex it left me wondering. Why does this peculiar bit of human behaviour happen? Is it just hormones taking over control? Why is it such a strong desire? Does it have a specific purpose?

My first thought was about the Bonobo monkey, a primate most famous for fixing any problem with sex. I’m sure make up sex has its origin somewhere in similar roots, but as I find these monkeys disgusting and revolting, I refused to let my line of thoughts be stopped by their existence.

Instead I sought comfort in my best friend that has the answers to all my doubts: Google.

I found a lot of websites, both for men and for women, that share my opinion: make up sex is almost an inevitable event after a big, domestic quarrel. But first, let’s start with a reasonable definition. Wikipedia came up with this:
“Make up sex is an informal term for sexual intercourse which may be experienced after conflict is resolved in an intimate personal relationship. This conflict may range from a lover’s tiff to a relationship break-up. In the popular imagination, sex under these circumstances is imagined to be especially gratifying and invested with special emotional significance. It is sometimes conceived as a physical expression of reconciliation and rediscovery of one’s partner following the cathartic experience of a fight.”

Further search results gave me two different explanations for the nature of make up sex: a physical one and an emotional one.

Let’s begin with the physical explanation. During a fight, you both get pumped up with adrenaline. This adrenaline in your body causes the same reaction in your brain as sexual arousal. While the argument lasts, all the excitement is being used to fuel the fight. But once the fighting is over there’s only one other clear purpose for all that adrenaline…

But adrenaline isn’t all. There’s also an emotional aspect that plays an important part. Fights always contain a certain power struggle. Why is the other so stubborn not to give in to your demands? Why does the other deny your feelings and your so obvious right point of view? The usual hierarchy and patterns of power in your relationship are distorted during a fight. Furthermore, a fight temporarily drives you apart from each other. This divide and lack of clear hierarchy needs to be fixed after a fight, and there’s only one thing you can do that’s effective concerning both closeness to each other and patterns of power…

Yes, make up sex is the best thinkable way of giving that build up adrenaline a purpose and to re-establish the complex but nevertheless undeniable hierarchy and closeness in your relationship. These reasons, according to my sources and my own personal experience, give make up sex that whole different level of quality. And it’s good.

It’s tempting to jump to an obvious conclusion: start more fights and have heavenly sex. Mind if I pass on that offer, though? You see, there’s a third thing that makes make up sex so extraordinarily gratifying. And that’s that you have it only a few times a year, not every day.

Column published by Cecile on Monday, June 16th, 2008.

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