Flashback to the sunny streets of a little town in Greece. Matt and I walk past one of the many semi-professional shops. It sells cheap jewellery, but it shines and shimmers and I’ve wanted Matt to buy me an inexpensive but symbolic ring for ages so I’m getting impatient and therefore less picky.
We take a closer look at the displayed rings and bracelets at the stall on the sidewalk in front of the shop. The owner seems proud we took the time to look at his goods and tells us to go and look inside the shop for even more cheap beads on threads. We obey without hesitation. The shop owner now gets visibly excited: tourists, probably with money, are inside his shop, ready to buy! Unfortunately, not one of his carefully exhibited offers matches my wishes and we decide to leave the shop. On our way out the disappointed shop owner’s eyes meet mine. I smile back sweetly and softly.
Five yards away I realise I’d just done something awful. I’d just used the Smile of Excuse…
The Smile of Excuse. It’s the smile you use when you’ve given somebody high hopes (usually in a situation of ‘to-purchase-or-not-to-purchase’) but decide not to go through with the deal. To avoid hurting the other’s feelings you give that other a polite, innocent smile. For maximum impact don’t say anything at all, but be absolutely silent while turning away from the situation.
I’ve seen it so many times. Maia is an ambitious drawing artist and takes part in a lot of art conventions. I’ve sat beside her quite often, while she was selling and showcasing her work.
Every now and then one of a certain kind of people would come to her table and flick through her portfolio. For Maia this was the moment to be alert but silent. In such a case you need to be ready to answer questions or deliver small talk, but you can’t be too intrusive and pushy, accidentally scaring them off. At some point you’d see something happen inside their head. You could see they realised that Maia’s work just wasn’t their cup of tea. So they’d close the portfolio, look up at Maia, smile politely and walk on to explore the rest of the artists. That smile, the Smile of Excuse, would make our nails want to scratch their eyes out.
If they would just go away, maybe without even looking at you, but at least refraining from smiling at you, it wouldn’t be so bad. Tastes differ, so don’t worry, no hard feelings. But the smile… The smile makes the situation feel so much worse! The smile is humiliating and degrading. The smile means “your work is crap, but you’re so sweet for trying…”
It ignites a flickering fire of fury in Maia’s eyes.
“I don’t want your pity. I don’t need you to express the fact that you think I’ll never make money with anything I create. I don’t need you to make me feel like a child that has merely smudged down an insignificant fingerpaint drawing at kindergarten. If you don’t like what you see, just walk on! Don’t bother me with your futile opinion and fake sympathy.”
I understand why they use the smile, though. When you have the courage (or nerve) to pick up somebody’s portfolio or to rummage through somebody’s semi-jewellery or other buyable goods, you take quite a big step. You touch something that isn’t yours. It’s one step too close and you need an acceptable way to pull your foot back, once you decide you don’t want anything to do with what’s offered to you. It’s a way of saying “Sorry I approached you without being sure about my intentions. Sorry to have entered your personal space and belongings.”
Still, despite the sufficient reasons for a Smile of Excuse, my personal experiences with seeing the smile being given had made me promise to myself I’d never display one myself. And now, during our lovely holiday in Greece, I broke that promise.
I would love to be able to tell you I felt remorse, returned to the shop and bought me a piece of crappy jewellery. But I didn’t. Instead I let Matt take me to a lovely outdoor café close to the sea and its soothing breeze. Sometimes, especially when on holiday, you just can’t be bothered excusing yourself for excuses.
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Hmm. I think I *may* have used this smile on the odd occasion. And probably whilst on holiday too! But MY excuse would be the possible language barrier (English I am very very good at - ask my mum - but everything else I am the pits - I do try but am still the pits) and the smile has come out as a way of saying (like you’ve said) “Sorry - not really for me & apologies for intruding, I would try & talk but I’ve really only just mastered English - cheery bye!”. But then I am one of those sorts who will apologise when someone bashes in to her .. so I guess that means I am generally a pretty irritating individual …
Left by London-Lass on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007