“Honey, I know you lead a stressful life and like to control things and get them done the way you want them to. And I would love to help, but only if you show that you appreciate my help. Not by snapping and snarling when I have a different view or not instantly understand what you mean. Could you please show some consideration for my feelings?”
Ouch. There it was. Yesterday evening my relationship reached a new milestone: my boyfriend has expressed his anger with one of the less attractive parts of my personality. Not just by grunting a little bit, but by actually firmly placing himself in front of me and carefully verbalising his feelings to make a point.
I know I get impatient when things don’t go the way I’ve planned them to or when people don’t understand what I mean or want. And I know it’s a big flaw in my personality. But the funny thing with weak spots and bad habits is that you hope your new lover will never notice them. Or actually really appreciates them. But this never seems to be the case.
Bad characteristics seem to be quite universal. I’ve never heard anyone say: “I enjoy Peter’s company so much because he’s so adoring when he humiliates me in front of my friends.” or “Anna has such a lovely way of throwing money away on useless items.” And as for their invisibility, bad characteristics are just like the good ones: visible to others before you even knew you had them. This is maybe even the worst part: the other one has been annoyed and irritated by your behaviour even before you were aware of it, let alone able to stop it. Unless you intended to be cruel and annoying, in which case you spoil my entire plea.
And who doesn’t recognize the painful sentences which are used to let you know you’re imperfect. Presumably meant to spare your feelings. Yeah, right. “I know you don’t mean to be like this, but….”, “I’m sure you have no intention of hurting me, but…”, “Sweetheart, I love you to bits, but…”.
Still, some characteristics can be both good and bad, while others are always immoral. For instance: directness or willingness or humbleness and similar traits can be both sins and virtues. So maybe impatience isn’t so terrible and universal. The seven deadly sins are pride, envy, gluttony, lust, wrath, greed and sloth. I must say I believe one could lead quite a lovely life with pride and lust. Still I don’t see where impatience fits in with these famous seven.
Maybe impatience is a new kind of sin? Searching for “impatience sin” on Google proves me wrong immediately. Loads of philosophers, writers and spiritual thinkers are well aware of the sinful side of impatience. The poet W.H. Auden even appeared to have said the following: “Perhaps there is only one cardinal sin: impatience. Because of impatience we were driven out of Paradise, because of impatience we cannot return”. Oh jolly, so not only my impatience upsets my boyfriend, it also makes me responsible for the entire Jewish and Christian guilt-based culture.
I’m sure I’m not meant to burn in hell for snapping at my loved ones. It can’t be all that bad. I take another look in Google, this time I search for “impatience virtue”. This gives me just as many results as my previous query. Impatience, according to a lot of great and less great thinkers is needed for innovation. People getting impatient provokes the need to make things faster and better. Without impatience we wouldn’t have computers and cars and airplanes and time schedules. We would still do everything manually and without much thought for efficiency. I doubt we would even have any political systems, although I’m not sure whether this would be such a loss. My conclusion: impatience may not always be nice, but it’s an essential necessity for improvement.
This little investigation made me want to inform my boyfriend about the positive side of my not so well received characteristic. Matt heard me out completely, very patient indeed. I told him that impatience was actually a very good habit, that we would otherwise stagnate in our development. And that he should be grateful that I approach our relationship with such a progressive mindset. He collapsed into a fit of laughter, called me a funny little lunatic and kissed me. My plan had worked out well.
So everything is fine again. At least for a little while. I wonder what I will do when Matt starts complaining about my way of turning situations around to my advantage.
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