We all know at least one of those guys. Please feel free to tick the box that applies.

- A man who cheats on his girlfriend.
- A boy who sleeps with a different woman every week.
- A guy who just came out of a long term relationship and has a new girlfriend within weeks.
- A bloke who whines about him and his girl not having enough sex.
- All of the above

Just for fun, ask that man or boy you know “why?”. He’ll look at you surprised. Maybe blinks his eyes once or twice to start up some brain activity. Then says: “I don’t know really. I just do. It’s like I… somehow have to…”.

His ignorance doesn’t matter, because you already know the only true answer: it’s because of the sex. It’s what our prejudices about men are based on. The fact that men simply need to have sex. To make it sound like a sort of saying: Men just need to eat. In fact research has shown that men need to have sex to feel loved. It’s essential for their ego, which would dry out and shrivel to pieces when it doesn’t get pumped up with testosterone every once in a while.

But how about the equivalent for women? I know hardly any women who’d prefer chastity to a good night-filling session of sex, I must confess. But I know even less who have the nymphomaniac inclinations that equal that well-known masculine behaviour. Still, surely there’s something similar in women’s behaviour?

Yes, there is. Women need to be adored. They need to feel desired by desirable men. The same gender studies I just referred to have shown that, while men need to have sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to have sex. Approaching it this way, a woman’s need to feel beautiful and worshipped is a necessity, a prerequisite for the continued existence of the human race. And, just like men have their ways to make sure they have sex on a regular basis, women have their tricks to make sure they feel loved.

How? Now is the time of the year to find out. Go seat yourself at an outdoor cafe and have a look around. Because the start of the summer is the best moment to see this process in bloom. That’s when women rediscover what’s hidden underneath the pile of winter clothing in their wardrobes. The short, swaying skirts. The tight, revealing tops. And don’t forget the lush and sunny bags, hats, heels and sunglasses that are the cherries on top of the outfits.

Like they create a sumptuous dinner, they do quite some fancy cooking with themselves as the main ingredient.

With the sun in their hair they flaunt the streets, ready for the prying eyes of all the men. Watch a little longer and a little closer. See what happens when the guy sitting next to her eyes her up and down. Or when the waiter gives her a friendly but unambiguous compliment. She may take it with arrogant pride or a mysterious smile, but inside she probably purrs with pleasure. She gets the summer in her eyes.

Personally, even while I’m now in a steady and brilliant relationship, I still enjoy the attention and adoration of other men. And why wouldn’t I? It makes me feel popular, pretty and pleased. And it has it’s positive effects on me and Matt too. Because just like the research implies, when I feel loved I’m more probable to have sex.

Just as nearly every man needs to have sex, nearly every woman enjoys dressing up to feel adored. To have every man looking at her in awe. To make herself the most wanted starter, main course and dessert, hell, an entire menu, a man could dream of.

This, in fact, makes the female equivalent of men’s promiscuous behaviour quite easy and logical: While men need to eat, women need to cook.

Column published by Cecile on Monday, May 7th, 2007.

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